The Visitor

One perk of living in NYC is how friends from all corners of the earth are delivered to our doorsteps in summertime. Although it usually happens to be the most miserable heat and humidity, it's a blast to host out-of-towners. It provides a great excuse to visit your favorite haunts, and indulgently live beyond your means, knowing that it's just for a brief stint.

When I return this weekend (!), I look forward to meeting up with a couple that I haven't seen since we traveled together three years ago in Ecuador. It was with this Dutch duo that I went diving in the Galapagos Islands and swam with manta rays! But, I have missed out on a number of visitors this summer, including our fun-loving friends Brigid and Christopher, who recently escaped Billyburg for the Malibu sun. Thankfully, I got to hear all about their return to NY from Matt, who wrote about Brigid's arrival in this hilarious one-act play.

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O.M.G. ~ a play in one act
by Matthew McKenna

9 p.m
Although Matt is expecting his friend Brigid to have dropped her luggage in the apartment when her plane arrived in NY from LA in the afternoon, he is confused to find the keys have been picked up from the exterior mailbox, and yet no sign of Brigid in the apartment.

1 a.m.
Matt receives text from Brigid -- "I'm outside." He opens apartment door, heads into hallway, and sees her... at the top of the stairs outside our upstairs neighbor Kevin's door.

BRIGID: Wait, I thought this was your apartment...

MATT: No.... uh.... it's down here.

BRIGID: Oh shit, I left my stuff in there this afternoon! The door was open.... and now it's locked. I remembered "2nd floor" from your directions and went upstairs.

MATT: What?? Oh my god... I was wondering why your stuff wasn't sitting in my living room. Let me see if he's there. [goes up & knocks on Kevin's door -- no sound; goes downstairs & rings his doorbell -- nothing].

MATT: Hmmm.... he comes home pretty late sometimes -- maybe we could leave him a note?

BRIGID: Well... I have stuff I really need tonight, like Breathe-right strips & earplugs, and I have to work on my computer tomorrow....

MATT: Oh. Well, he works at Barcade around the corner -- let's go see if we can find him there.

[We go. We ask the bouncer inside -- he tells us Kevin has already left. We walk back home.]

MATT: If I had to guess, I'd say he's out with friends... shoot.

BRIGID: Curses... of all the mistakes.... you don't think he threw my stuff out, do you?

MATT: No, no, he's a really nice guy... he may not have even noticed that some random luggage was sitting in his kitchen.

BRIGID: Living room. I left it in his living room -- I thought the place looked surprisingly like a bachelor pad... If only there was a window or something...

MATT: A window.

BRIGID: Yeah, I mean, I've already been in there once, right?

MATT: Yeaaah... but that was by accident. I don't think it works that way...

[We walk to the back of the house & look up at his windows for signs of life.]

BRIGID: See, he has a fire escape that looks easy to climb up. And then I could just pop the screen off, and be out in 2 seconds.

MATT: Uhhh... I really don't think that's a good idea. I don't even know him very well... and that's sort of -- burglary. I'm really uncomfortable with that idea.

BRIGID: But it would be really quick and I really need that stuff tonight.

MATT: I really can't let you break into my neighbor's apartment -- my landlord lives right there... he could easily kick me out of the building.

BRIGID: I'm just trying to get my stuff back...

MATT: I know -- you're putting me in a really awkward position, though. I mean, Kevin could be there for all we know... and that would be a whole 'nother kind of disaster.

BRIGID: Hmmm....

[We walk slowly back to the front & go back into the apartment.]

MATT: I could go get you some Breathe-right strips from Sunac down the street and.... I don't know....

[Matt goes outside and tries the doorbell one more time. And miraculously -- hears a rustling sound upstairs.]

MATT (excitedly): Kevin? Kevin? It's Matt, your neighbor...

[Kevin eventually manages to open the door and peeks out, groggy with sleep and clothed only in boxer shorts.]

MATT: Oh, man, I'm really sorry -- my friend accidentally dropped her luggage in here today, thinking it was my apartment.

[In a leap & bound, Brigid is up the stairs and in his dark, sweltering apartment looking around, apologizing profusely.]

KEVIN: Yeah -- I was wondering about that -- I figured things would explain themselves.

BRIGID: Thank you so much -- you really saved me. New York Stories, huh?

[We breathe a huge sigh of relief downstairs again with bags intact.]

BRIGID: Whoa, man, it's a good thing I didn't try to get into his apartment.... thanks for getting all legal on me.

MATT: I'm glad things worked out. Disasters averted.

.the end.